No-han?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

A Guest Writer blogs in:

Our future, our chance, our hope, our star, our ticket to the Promised Land, our $137,000,000 dollar man, is in jeopardy.

How can the Mets even fathom not shutting down Johan or even sending him to NY for an MRI? Do they feel that since they signed Livan, there is a no need to worry? Or maybe since Pedro is still out there - we can grab him and everything will be fine? Something tells me that this is more than just the mere lacking of a clubhouse presence. We're gonna need "The One" here. (Sorry fans, even Mr. Gee is not the answer. Not yet at least).

With Citi Field on its way, and Met fans feeling jittery with the revamped and most powerful bullpen in baseball (without a bad Sanchez and Feliciano), the only way our goal can be accomplished is if Mr. Santana is feeling ace-like and super healthy. If need be (and we hope not) who will go on 3 days rest? Or better yet who would you want to?.... If it weren’t for all those blown opportunities by the bullpen last year, Santana would have gotten at least seven more wins, not to mention the Cy Young (Ehem, Cy Young!). This is not something we can relax about. This is a very serious matter. If Santana were to miss some time, that would be a worm in the Mets' apple (which was, BTW, moved to Citi Field).

We had everything going for us. The bullpen was freshly stocked. The young stars were looking like, well, stars. We had enough number 5 starters to start a new team (a not so good team) and our last year players were looking delightfully good (yes, even Castillo). And it was all merry, until now.

Should we freak? Perhaps.
Should we be worried about our ace? Yes.
Should we then instead root for the Cubbies? No. Heck No.

But why? Why should we invest our emotions into a season in which our Maine-man might be someone who is coming off a weak 2nd half last year? Why should we put our hope (there's that hope again) into a team that might not have its anchor...its leader?

As if we were stuck in a never before seen circumstance, the first of its kind, the draft copy, we see that there is nowhere to go but to turn to our, perhaps, weakened leader and ask him for sagely guidance.

(turn to Johan for sagely guidance)
Johan, what do you see in our future?

(listen to response)
I, Johan Santana tossed a 46-pitch bullpen session Wednesday and then predicted I would take the ball on Opening Day in Cincinnati on April 6.

(begin "the corny Eli From Brooklyn ending")
What else do you expect from a man who does wonders with a mere white inanimate sphere-like object? What do you say to player who constantly proves that 3 days rest is just as good as 4?

The Answer? Nothing. Nothing at all.

(but just in case the baseball gods are listening...)
Amen, Santana, Amen.

21 comments:

wario said...

Eli.. and mr. guest writter, i love the coverage, he certainly is the key to our season, i say shut him down for as long as need be, even if he misses opening day in Cinci. Who cares about that? opening day in Citi is the real problem.

Eli From Brooklyn said...

That is a good point. I'd rather see him Opening up Citi Field. Or shut him down as long as ya need (and with his agreement - even if u have to force him to agree ;-) ) because having him later in the season for a longer period of time is more important than a few starts in the beginning and risking injury.

Pitch quicker Gee, pitch quicker!

wario said...

If you think about it, he is a 2nd half pitcher anyway, so let him rest till then!

Skeptic Al said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skeptic Al said...

What a scandal! Youre either on the mound or off the mound - make up your mind. This type of activity will not take us to the promised land. and is a worm in the Mets apple indeed!

Is this a leader we can count on ?

DOVY said...

listen i know we want hi to start maybe in citi field for opening day but the main thing is that he be healthy no?

putzfan1 said...

do you really think that your season hinges on the magical left shoulder of yo,HAN the changeup barbarian? cmon boys!!! we all know by now that EVEN IF doh!HAN does his job, and k rod doesnt pull a muscle while trying to punch the sky after another 1 out save, and putz doesnt have a nervous breakdown when the fans scream his name, pronounced incorrectly on purpose, and reyes actually runs when hes supposed to, and wright gets more than 2 hits in september, EVEN IF all that happens, still, jerry manuels fake proffesorial glasses will fog at just the wrong time that instead of stabbing willie in the back, he will accidentally give another bris to a certain already over sensitive center fielder, and from then on, all other effeminate Muts will live in phallic fear.
bring on 2010 and the newly named stadium..... 99 cent store field!!!

Eli From Brooklyn said...

Lol PutzFan... You go!

Skeptic Al said...

99 cents field is generous. Come opening day we might be looking at a number closer to A-Rods IQ.

putzfan1 said...

this just in, live from ed coleman in his $69 motel room outside port st lucie, in his frayed boxers, too tight tank top with yellow stains near the armpits, and a half smoked newpie dangling from his mouth, while infomercials are blaring from the rickety barely color tv which is clinging to its final days as antennea will soon go the way of mets hope....
it turns out, says eloquent ed, that daniel murphy is not actually gregg jefferies, just a cheap imitation, and that fernendo tatis is not actually tatis, but in reality is the shadiest and oldest met ever, julio franco, disguised as a player who can play baseball without eating 3 dozen egg whites every morning.
back to you in the studio, because i got a b**tch of a hangover!
um, thanks ed.

Skeptic Al said...

Don't forget the blood on the lampshade.
Ed...stop getting wasted on spring training victories.

putzfan1 said...

finding wayward and random pubic hairs (mike piazza, you devil you!) in the tiny fridge in a cheap, moldy motel room, with the aforementioned splattered and now dried blood on the lampshade ( Ambriorix Burgos, can you please not be so obvious??) is enough to make anyone sleep in their clothes and shower in their shoes.
or, almost anyone.
met fans love the pain and gore, but not more than the biggest masochist of them all, our pal Ed (please seek help) Coleman.

Eli From Brooklyn said...

Why are we hating on Ed? Why oh Why? He's pretty good. Stop the hating!

Skeptic Al said...

Hey Putzfan whomever you are. Eli is right, stop the hate.

For starters Mike Piazza hair is hardley random...it's freakin bleached blond. Chances are they belong to Sweeney Merdy or is it Murdy, back from when he used to to cover the Port St. Lucie Cricket Team.

Eli From Brooklyn said...

It's Murdy and please don't mention Yankee Beat Reporters on this website. It's tantamount to swearing. Thank You.

wario said...

Mr. PUTZfan, as the Yankee fan that you apparently are, im not quite sure what you’re doing in port st. Lucie….. one thing is for sure, I would rather walk around that cheap motel room barefoot, then the 5 star hotel the yanks stay in and risk getting a needle stuck in the bottom of my foot left behind after they were injected in the behind….. Were Rocket and Petite always roommates??Once again due to the a-roid fiasco all the yanks will be is behind!!! You are going to wish the ageless wonder, a.k.a Julio franco was playing the hot corner for you now!! Sorry C-RAM a.ka C-RAP is not the answer unless he juices, which is always a possibility knowing your yanks..

putzfan1 said...

Dear Mr Wario, the odd and eery homeoerotic sidekick of Mario,
first, id like to congratulate you on managing to use the word "behind" twice in one long run on sentence, and three times in total in your angry and ultimately sad rant of a post. clearly, its a word you are fond of, and therefore may i suggest an alternate name for your future identity? how about Behind-86? Behind - for mike piazza's meal of choice, and 86 for the last time the mets, aka, the coke-heads from queens, (ask daryl, keith and lenny what im talking about) did the victory dance thanks to frank cashen, the tuffle shuffle, and of course the doubleday dude. at least consider it.
as for your clear and obvious case of yankee envy, i wish i could prescribe some sort of anecdote for your malaise, but im fresh out of roids because i had a dominican pre purim party. piazza crashed with his partner, some weatherman from abc news, and they caused quite the ruckus. he kept getting into his crouch for some reason, calling for fast-balls, high and tight. so weird.
enjoy your cheap motel room, which clearly comes along with MET-iocrity, bleach in water guns, (i yearn for the days of bret saberhagen and johnny franco) fake mustaches in the dugout (bobby v was a true met) and the classic futures uniform of the ny mut which made them all look like space chimps.
this just in!!!! freddy garcia his 86 on the radar gun!!! so now that pelfry isn't feeling too great, and livan ate two espn reporters for lunch, mr garcia is in fact the savior, as advertised.

wario said...

Ok fair enough PUTZman1………. daryl was STILL on coke in 96 too (ask DOC). Maybe Giambi left his lucky thong in the clubhouse and C-rap could wear it for good luck? Or maybe c-rap could grow a mustache and when he gets his first hit midway through the season the yanks could have mustache night in his honor? (That is a close second to futures night) ……

Skeptic Al said...

Wario/Putzfan...Please respect our Brooklyn sensibilities.

Eli From Brooklyn said...

Oh Putzfan, regards from Dave Roberts. I just checked his Facebook status and it still says "Dave Roberts is stealing second base." Yup, everyone knew it and still knows it. Mariano for El Presidente! Or not.

Skeptic Al said...

Except Derek Jeter that is.