Filthydelphia - A New Episode of LOST

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

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Everyone knows that the best (and only above average) item in Philly are their cheese steaks. Their professional teams? Not so much.

Although the Phillies did win it all last year, people are forgetting that this is the same team that notched their 10,000th team loss; the most in any franchise's history (and counting). Although they sit atop the division in the NL East, their starting pitching is abysmal. No team can keep up their hitting the way Philly has so far done, I hope.

With all this in mind, we welcome to Citi Field for the very first time, the Filthydelphia Phillies. The team to beat up on.

When the Mets went to Philly last week, John Gonzalez of The Philadelphia Inquirer wrote a letter to Met fans... Here's a sampling...

Dear Mets fans,

It's been a while since you last came to visit. You weren't missed all that much. We love to hate each other, sure, but it was kind of nice without you.

This is your first trip to town since last August. Philly has been a little busy since then. There was the World Series and the parade and the ring ceremony and, man, it just hasn't stopped. You probably saw most of it on TV since you didn't have much else to do after September. You remember all the pageantry that goes along with being a world champion, right? No? Well, maybe you have some faded pictures of 1986 in a shoebox somewhere.


Okay, okay, some nice points but according to Toasty Joe, a beloved Mets fan, the document needs to be slightly altered...

Dear Mets Phillie fans,

It's been a while since you last came to visit showered. You weren't missed educated all that much. We love to hate each other, sure, but it was kind of nice without chuckling at you.

This is your first trip to town parole hearing since last August. Philly New York has been a little busy since then. There was the World Series and the parade and the ring ceremony Broadway, the Met, MOMA, Times Square, Central Park, Lincoln Center, top-flight restaurants, the Guggenheim, Greenwich Village, SoHo, the Empire State Building, the Financial District, the Brooklyn Bridge, Prospect Park, the Statue of Liberty, four Super Bowl Championships, and two new world-class baseball stadiums and, man, it just hasn't stopped. You probably saw most of it on TV punched your sister since you didn't have much else to do after September getting out of the drunk tank. You remember all the pageantry that goes along with being a world champion first-class city, right? No? Well, maybe you have some faded pictures of 1986 1776 in a shoebox somewhere.

Ahhh. Much better.

5 comments:

Mike said...

So much for the city of brotherly love.

Steve said...

Everyone knows that you can catch Aids merely by walking the Streets of Philadelphia. Not worth the cheesesteak sandwich. (OK..Great Song)

DOVY said...

E- Unfortunately I would rather have a championship then Times Square etc.

Eli From Brooklyn said...

LOL, well said Dovy. I like the name "E". Best comment today all around. Good job D.

Steve said...

Diss me like that! I happen to think my comment was better. Youre putting the P in Pissing Me Off.