El Duque To The Rangers? HUH?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Nobody is quite sure how old Orlando Hernandez is and nobody is quite sure how many procedures or operations he's had on his right foot in the past two years.

Nobody is quite sure if he has anything left in his aging body and nobody is quite sure what role he would fill on a team.

What is known right now is Hernandez has been added to the Rangers' roster.

But that's the only part I fail to understand...

Why would the Rangers sign a player if the they seem to be set at every position? Can El Duque even play hockey? If you ask me, it seems like a very silly signing to the average hockey fan.

"He was somebody we looked into during this offseason, although he was still rehabbing," Rangers general manager Glen Sather said. "Our scout in south Florida, Juan Alvarez, has a relationship with him and has seen him skate a few times and liked what he saw. He's healthy, he's motivated, and he's in good shape. It's an opportunity we wanted to give him. He wants to show he can still play. So, skate on!"

Henrik Lundqvist, on the other hand, doesn't fathom the appropriateness of the signing. "Nyet, nyet," Lundqvist shouted when asked if he would take Orlando under his wing. "Old, nyet, old," Henrik continued.

Hernandez was listed as a goalie in high school in 1947 but his role would be expanded in Ranger Coach John Tortorella's system. Tortorella was on WFAN on Friday (with Joe and Evan) to discuss the signing and was quoted as saying, "I knew what I was doing when I threw the water bottle into the crowd. It made perfect sense at the time." Joe and Evan felt like Tortorella had ulterior motives by coming on the radio but they remained silent throughout.

Medical experts have commented that it is extremely difficult to skate with bunions on one's feet but El Duque will be supported by a newly acquired hip, cane, and the motivation to conquer. Hernandez, as of now, does not plan to skate with a high leg kick, although he might alter his skating form come playoff time. "He is our secret weapon for the first round," said Tortorella, "hence, the true reason we've brought him to the organization."

Hernandez is the most famous two sport athlete since Deon Sanders, Michael Jordan and Jim Brown.

We wish El Duque the best and advise him to rest 2 weeks between shifts.


Joe Z said...

One of your greatest, Eli.

Guy McMets said...

Lol, I just wish the Devils were more active in their signings... What a pick up!