Geez, calm down, Raul, we meant hemmaroids.
Raul Ibanez has a message for those, particularly a certain blogger, who say that his spectacular offensive performance in a Phillies uniform could be a result of performance-enhancing drugs.
"You can't just walk down the street and accuse somebody of being a thief because they didn't have a nice car yesterday and they do today. You can't say that guy is a thief." Ibanez said he had never used performance-enhancing drugs. "You can have my urine, my hair, my blood, my stool - anything you can test," Ibanez said.
Before I delve into the 37 year old's urine, I'd want to take a look at the man's numbers this season to determine if anything looks out of the ordinary for a person who's only getting older. (Duh).
Um, Raul, here's a cup. Go do your thing.
"I'll give you back every dime I've ever made" if the test is positive. "I'll put that up against the jobs of anyone who writes this stuff," he said. "Make them accountable. There should be more credibility than some 42-year-old blogger typing in his mother's basement. It demeans everything you've done with one stroke of the pen."
"I'll come after people who defame or slander me," he said Tuesday night before the Phillies played the New York Mets, as stated by News Services according to the report. "It's pathetic and disgusting. There should be some accountability for people who put that out there."
Ironically, in this picture posted on ESPN's Outside The Lines, you can see Raul's facial discomfort with having to live with his painful hemmaroids.
To read more about this issue (or lack there-of), take a look here where you can also watch a video of the blogger who started this Raul-Roid avalanche.
Urine hot water, Ibanez!