Pedro Feliciano Wants A Vacation

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Pedro Feliciano has appeared in 39 of the Mets’ 66 games so far this season.

He is on pace to make 96 relief appearances, ten more than his career high which he set in 2008.

Feliciano has pitched without rest seventeen times, on one day’s rest eleven times, and on two day’s rest seven times.

...That leads to today's events...

Location: Mets clubhouse, June 21st, 11:00 AM
Situation: Pedro Feliciano sitting in his chair, 20 lbs. of ice on his arm, contemplating how to get some days off

This is ridiculous. I've pitched in 5 games in a row now. Some guy in the stands yelled to me that I'm on track to pitch in 96 games this season. I don't want my arm to fall off, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do? Think Pedro, think.

:::Jerry Manuel walks by:::

Jerry: "Pedro, you will be pitching today."
Pedro: "But what if it's a blowout? We've got Switzer and Taka-"
Jerry: "You will be pitching today. It is written. See you in the 7th inning."

I think skip hates me. Maybe he has a secret deal with Dr. James Andrews? Who knows but I don't want to visit that guy. Can I go back to Japan? That was the best season - 37 games pitched and all the Pachinko I could handle. Alright concentrate Pedro we need a plan. That Governor Paterson guy was here earlier this season, he kind of looks like me.


Maybe he can take my spot for a few days. Let's open up his Wikipedia page and see if he can throw a baseba- he's blind?! Great, just great, there is no hope. Maybe a DL trip would get the job done.

:::Ray Ramirez walks by:::

Pedro: "Hey Ray, is it healthy for me to pitch everyday? My arm is starting to hurt, what should I do?"
Ray: "All I can tell you is the same thing I told Church last season - take 2 Vicodin and walk it off. Worked out for Church right?"
Pedro: "Uhh, not exactly Ray."
Ray: "Not my problem."
Pedro: "Actually it is. It's your job. Like my job is to pitch in every game."
Ray: "Don't ask for my help again unless you're missing a limb or can't feel your extremities. I don't deal with pansies."

Well thanks for nothing "head trainer". We're playing Pujols's team this week so I shouldn't be needed. That's a relief. No reason to bring in the lefty specialist to face Skip Schumaker or Rick Ankiel right? Okay what other options are there to get me a day off? I noticed Stokes taught himself how to pitch left-handed. He got pretty good too, but I guess that's not a surprise given all the free time he's had. Wonder if he'd be down for a uniform switch?

:::Brian Stokes walks by:::

Feliciano: "You're Stokes, right? I noticed you throwing 96 mph sliders lefthanded the other day - you want to get into a game? If we switch jerseys I guarantee you'll pitch today."
Stokes: "For real? Sounds great, I was about to take a mid-season sabbatical."
Feliciano: " ‘Feliciano' will be pitching today in the 7th, so be ready. Thanks again man."
Stokes: "No problem. ‘Stokes' never pitches, so you should have the day off."

Later in the day:

Location: Mets dugout, 3:15 PM, 7th inning
Situation: Omar Minaya pays a surprise visit to the dugout

Jerry: [on bullpen phone] "It's Feliciano time. Actually hold on a second, Omar comin'"
Omar: "I was Googling ‘Sean Green unicycle' and something written by a dude in his mother's basement came up. Mentioned a guy name Stocks who is apparently on the roster. It made me laugh a hearty Omar laugh, so I think we should put Stocks in."
Jerry: "This better work out or you're GM title is going to be similar to the other GM who produces cars. [on bullpen phone] Get Stocks up, he's coming in next!"

(As primarly seen on Amazin' Avenue)